This month marks one year that we have been on our journey to become parents. Up until this point, I have never been comfortable sharing our journey with anyone other than our close friends and family. There is nothing harder than answering the million dollar question of “when are you going to have a baby?” when all you’ve ever wanted to do in your life is to become a mom and there is a big hurdle standing in your way to that dream.
To mark our one year on this journey, I thought I would write about our journey and the future of our journey in order for me to have it in writing since this obstacle has only made me stronger.
We decided to began trying to conceive (TTC) on January 7th, 2009, when I met with my doctor to discuss going off birth control and what to expect. I had been on the Depo injection for many years due to problems with my menstrual cycle and the Depo just stopped everything. My last injection had been three months prior and January 7th was the day I was due for the next, but chose to begin our journey. I completed necessary blood work to test for things I had never heard of before and thought we were doing everything right by planning for our future family.
By the end of February my cycle had returned after many many years and for once in my life, I thought it was going to be “normal”. As a teenager, I had all kinds of problems with my cycles and I never knew what “normal” was. So I was pleasantly surprised when this cycle only lasted 5 days.
And then… Aunt Flo didn’t return until May and must have thought she would overstay her welcome for 20+ days. By this point I was having a lot of the symptoms that I was having as a teenager and I had, had enough of this. I was at my family doctor in June when I had told her what was going on (I love my family doctor) and I asked if there was any chance I could have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). She told me that she had been thinking all along that this is what I had due to other symptoms I had, like being unable to lose weight no matter what I did, high blood pressure, my good cholesterol was high and my blood sugar was low. The next day I called my OB/GYN to schedule an appointment, but couldn’t get in until August (remember we were in mid-June at this point).
In July Aunt Flo decided it would be fun to knock on my uterus and once again overstay her welcome by another 20+ days. This time I called the doctor about 15 days in to Aunt Flo’s extended stay, to tell her, I had had enough and wanted answers. Thankfully, she was able to get me in the same day and officially diagnosed me with PCOS. Which was followed by ultrasounds and blood work to confirm what I already knew.
I followed up in August and discussed our options for TTC. She put me on Metformin to help stop Aunt Flo from making unannounced and over stayed visits. This is when I found out that because of the PCOS that I wasn’t ovulating and we would need fertility drugs to get pregnant. You should have seen my face when the doctor told me the odds of having twins and triplets with Clomid.
I was already scheduled to have surgery on my foot in October, so we decided to wait to begin the Provara and Clomid until November when I was able to walk again and off pain medications.
November 15th, I started my first of five rounds of Provara and Clomid. And over the next seven months I would experience irritability, confusion, forgetfulness, mood swings, unbearable headaches, lack of energy and motivation. But nothing was worse than experiencing disappointment every time Aunt Flo didn’t make her monthly visit and I was told to pee on a stick and report the results to the doctor, always resulting in a big fat negative.
Each negative, resulted in the Clomid being increased, in order to increase the chances of ovulating. Out of five cycles, it only worked once, on 150mg’s, when my progesterone levels where high and Aunt Flo returned on her own. The next month the Clomid was increased to 200 mg’s and once again, we were disappointed, more so this time than the pervious times since we thought we’d have much better luck with the increase since the 150mg seemed to have worked.
That was May/June of this year. Currently we have stopped TTC and focusing on reducing the stress in our lives and I have been working on losing weight in order to increase our chances. Thanks to the Metformain and another medication I am on, I have lost over 40 pounds in the last year. We have one more round of Clomid before we have to see a Fertility Specialist to discuss our other options if we are unsuccessful this last time.
In the mean time I am trying to stay positive and leave our journey in the hands of God and come to terms with the fact that his timing isn’t always our timing.
Our Journey isn’t over, rather, it’s just beginning.
Our journey never gets easier, especially when everyone you know is pregnant and having babies and even commercials can cause your emotions to rise and take a toll on you. It’s hard to believe that we started this journey almost 2 years ago. The most difficult thing I have struggled with throughout this journey is not having anyone to talk to who understands what I am going through. Thankfully I have found some blogs of women who have or are going through the same things and my niece just under went IVF and is expecting in December. It makes it easier to know that miracle do happen and someday, we will be holding our bundle of joy in our arms. Until then, we are tossing around the idea of becoming foster parents.